There is a car company with a new mission statement: to destroy your existence. Once a reputable and reliable car maker, this company has taken a hairpin turn down the chicane of doom. That’s right. Toyota is out to kill you. Yes. You. True story.
First, they tried to kill you by jamming your accelerator with a floor mat. Some fell victim to this ploy but many caught on. Then they decided to off you by designing your gas pedals to slowly stick and may possibly result in your car flying off a building while you look for parking. Like a master chess player it mocks, taunts and toys with you. Then it will watch as you one day kill yourself when your car cannot stop and you slam into the back of an 18 wheeler.
Whats next, oh devious one? Why not just take away the brakes and make it quicker to…. oh… The US government is investigating Prius brake failures? Oh damn. I guess we won't have to see collapsible steering wheels then, or maybe we will. Who knows?
But you don’t even own a Toyota you say? Hah. Look around, sweetheart. Toyota’s master plan has already unfolded. They are everywhere. Its too late. Even if you don’t own a Toyota, one will get you. You may as well just give up now and let it be quick. Just jump in front of the next Yaris so you don’t need to suffer.
Sounds like something straight out of a horror movie. You know the one where an evil car kills people? Or a bunch of birds come out you? Yea its that scary. Toyota is like a killer stalking its prey. Except this killer is affordable, practical, and everywhere. It’s like a silent killer. And those, like the farts, are always the scariest ones.
